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where to go?

Once you've figured out what kind of woman you want, and once you've read about what women are looking for, now you've got to go to the right place.

If what you are looking for is a pickup, then by all means head to the meat-market bars. First make sure you've spent plenty of time at the gym working out. Get some magazines with the latest styles for men and get your hair cut and buy the right clothes. Find the right red, black, or silver sports car. Depending upon your resources and the woman you want, you can get something like a Mustang, Camaro, or Firebird; or, you can go for the BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche instead. Or, you may be successful with the right motorcycle, truck, or even a boat, in some circles. Once you are at the bar, you need to look like you've got money -- so be generous with the drinks. In sum, the three characteristics that you need to succeed in that setting are looks, car (or other form of cool transportation), and money.

It's more difficult if you are looking for a long term relationship, or even a more casual relationship that you expect to last at least some time. You must plan on being persistant. You will meet with failures, be prepared. Some women you approach won't be interested. Other times you'll date someone who seems right, but turns out not to click with you. Keep trying.

You will need to be around women who share your interests and goals. This normally means joining some kind of club or organization where people with those interests and goals hang out.

  • Like sports? Join a mountain biking club, a running club, a ski club, or a co-ed ultimate frisbee league.
  • Like the arts? Belong to a museum society and attend the meetings.
  • Politics? Your political party has an organization in your area -- get involved.

You get the idea. No matter what your interests are, you can find like-minded people to hang around. That is the first place to start when looking for the right woman for you. If you can't find the right club or group -- take the initiative and start one.

Don't dismiss getting involved in things that tend to have more women. Be brave -- take a class in dancing or cooking. (Don't tell your male friends if you don't want to.)

You may also want to look in your phone book or community newspaper for a singles group. You will certainly meet women who are actively looking for a man.

Another point is to expand your social network. Even if at first all you seem to do is acquire more men friends, that is OK. The people you know have their own social network -- which might include the right woman for you. Let it be known that you are looking. Go to friends' parties -- or have your own and tell your friends to invite their friends. The more people you know, the greater the chance of meeting the right woman.

And do consider personals. If you followed the advice in What do I want?, you have the data you need to write an ad. However, you will be more successful if you actively seek a mate, rather than just placing an ad and waiting. Regularly scan ads -- but only respond to those who really fit what you are looking for. (No point in wasting your time or hers.) Don't be afraid to respond, however. When you answer an ad, point out what she said in her ad that attracted you. Mention those things that you two have in common. Identify some things that you are looking for and ask her if she is interested in those things too.

Remember to keep trying. There is someone out there for you and you will find her if you just don't give up!

And when you do, you need to take the next step.

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