Now that you've figured out what you are looking for, you understand that women are individuals
and the same "line" won't work for all of them, you've figured out where to go to find the
right woman for you, and you've spotted someone who attracts your interest. Your next step
is to approach her.
The approach that you use will differ based upon the situation that you are in, but there are
a few pointers that apply to all situations.
- Figure out something that applies to the environment your lady is in (more in a moment).
- Choose a question that fits the environment. Your question can NOT be a yes/no question.
- Think of another question!! If you can, think of 3 questions.
- Rehearse what you are going to say in advance.
The questions must apply to her environment because 1) they will sound natural and not a line
and 2) they give you a natural lead in to a conversation. The reason you think of 3 questions
is 1) three questions will give you a chance to keep the conversation going and 2) it is enough
for you to judge if she is at all interested.
That last point is important. If she turns away, or doesn't really answer, then she's not
interested. Just smile and say "Nice talking to you" and leave. Hanging around and pestering
her will not work.
Let's consider the situation where the woman you are interested in is one that you see on a
regular basis -- in a club, or in class, or something like that. This is the best situation
because you can get to know her first in the environment you share. Let's say you are both
in a mountain biking club. The first thing you do is say "Hi" and introduce yourself. Now
you can ask your questions. One of your questions can be "How long have you been biking?"
Another question could be about her bike or other piece of equipment. A third question
could be "Have you done any races?". This question works because, even though it is a yes/no
question, you can follow the question up with "What races?" or "Are you planning on doing
any races soon?"
The other good this about the situation where you see her on a regular basis is that you
can try for friendship first. If you approach her with the attitude of "let's just get
to know each other as friends", you will feel a lot less pressure than if you are thinking
you have to win her over as the love of your life. Seeing her on a regular basis will give
her time to get to know you, too, and see whether or not you are some kind of weirdo. Women have
to be careful, so don't pressure her.
The other situation is one where you see someone whom you've never seen before
and probably won't
see again, perhaps in a bar or club. In this case, you have to be observant and think fast.
What is she doing that you can talk about? If she is drinking a particular drink, what can
you ask her about regarding her drink? If it is an imported beer, for example,you may want to ask her
what she thinks about it. Depending upon her answer, you could perhaps ask if she's tried
another variety and if she hasn't perhaps offer to buy her one. Then you could discuss the
merits of the other beer. If a particular band is playing, talk about the music. Or if there
is something on TV that she is watching, you could talk about that.
Whatever you do, don't use "lines". Don't tell her she's the most beautiful thing you've ever
seen. Don't ask her what her sign is. Don't ask her if she "comes here often". You've got to
think of something original and specific to her. See what she is doing or what environment she
is in (watching the game on TV, drinking a beer, whatever) and talk about that.
Once again, if she seems uninterested, just tell her it was nice talking to her, then leave
her alone. Why waste your time with someone who isn't interested?
In either situation, if your conversation is going well -- that is she smiles at you, looks at you,
asks her own questions, and actually talks -- then you can decide if you want to ask her out or
ask for her phone number (or email address). You may want to say something like, "I've really
enjoyed talking to you and would like to see you again. May I have your phone number?" (Or, "Would
you like to go out to dinner with me?")
A few other points...
What if you are the kind of guy who falls apart even at the thought of talking to woman, much
less approaching her? You need to build up some "woman-skills" first. You need to be comfortable
talking to women before you even try to approach one for a date. You have to put yourself in
a "program" where you progressively interact more and more with women.
In your case, join an
organization where there will be women and make an effort to just talk to them. Don't try to ask
them out. Don't even think about it. Tell yourself that you're going to talk to one woman
each time the club meets, even if at first all you can do is say "Hi". Work your way up to asking
one question. For example, using the mountain biking club situation, "How do you like your
bike?" After the answer, maybe you can think of more to say, but if you can't, just nod and
say, "thanks". At the next meeting, make it your goal to ask two questions of a different
woman. After a few meetings, make a point of talking to a couple of the women.
Practice will help you! So make an effort and stick with it.
If you are fairly comfortable talking to women but the thought of asking one out for a date gets you
all nervous, rehearse your question in advance. And pick a simple date. Don't get elaborate --
do NOT make the date a grand occasion. That will just make you more nervous. Let's say you decide
to ask her out to lunch. Pick up the phone, say "Hi", ask her how she is, then say, "Would you like
to join me for lunch on Saturday?" That's it. And if you rehearse ahead of time, you should be
able to blurt it out, even though your heart is pounding. Expect the pounding. It's OK. If she
says "no", say, "Well, maybe another time. Talk to you later," and end the conversation. IF she
says "yes", say, "Great!" and give her the details (time, etc.)
Let's review some
mistakes you don't want to
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ideas, and advice you need here...
The Art of Kissing